


If I Die Young

by achillese



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-08
Updated: 2011-11-08
Packaged: 2017-10-25 20:17:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/274350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achillese/pseuds/achillese
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens behind the scenes doesn't have to remain there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Die Young

**Author's Note:**

> A collection of “deleted scenes” from the film Dead Poets Society, all of which have Anderperry subtext because I sail that ship like Captain Ahab. I don’t own DPS. It’s just a sandbox that I’m playing in.

**01.**

The first night that Todd spent at Welton Academy isn’t necessarily his favorite memory, but just the same he looks back on it fondly from time to time because that was the first night he spent with Neil Perry as his roommate.

Aside from introducing Todd to the rest of the group – Charlie, Knox, and Meeks – Neil didn’t really say too much to Todd for the rest of the day. They unpacked their suitcases silently, the awkwardness stretching from one side of the room to the other, no sounds other than the shuffling of clothes and an occasional cough from one of them.

Dinner was worse, in that Neil already had established friendships with practically everybody he bumped into while Todd was left scurrying along behind him like a dog nobody wanted. Everyone was friendly and cordial to him, of course, but most of the attention and conversation gravitated towards his ever-smiling, chummy roommate. Todd spent most of the meal staring intently at his shredded beef and wondering how much longer they had to sit there before they were allowed to be excused and go back to their rooms.

When they were both finally back in their room and getting ready for bed and Todd had slipped under the covers, he wasn’t expecting Neil to say “Goodnight” but that’s exactly what he did and it was such a small thing but Todd fell asleep that night with a smile on his face and a little more warmth in his heart.

**02.**

There was no stopping Neil from auditioning for the role of Puck in the play at Henley Hall, and so when the afternoon finally arrived where Neil would sneak off campus and borrow Knox’s bike to ride to the theater, Todd had already given up on trying to change his roommate’s mind. Instead, he encouraged him like no one really ever had before. Don’t be nervous. You’ll be great. You’ve been practicing so much already. I bet nobody else has even _memorized_ the lines yet. You have so much charisma already that they’ll be tripping over themselves to sign you up. One day you’ll be performing on Broadway in New York City and people will be lining up to get your autograph.

Neil left for the auditions flying on cloud nine. When the theater director offered him the role of Puck, he could hardly fly higher.

**03.**

Neil was stunned speechless after that one day in class when Todd recited his impromptu poem, spurned on by Mr. Keating and the desire not to completely embarrass himself in front of his classmates. At first he could only clap along with the rest of the students in the room, and he chuckled a little when he heard Charlie whistling his encouragement behind him.

He tried putting his feelings and his thoughts about Todd’s poem into words during their study hall break later, but no matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t find the right words. He simply told Todd that he thought his spontaneous poem was amazing and inspiring and wonderful.

He was really describing Todd, not his poem. Todd didn’t realize it at the time, and Neil wasn’t exactly going to go out of his way to bring it to his attention. He just hoped that one day Todd would pick up on it. One day.

**04.**

Todd heard Neil crying when they were both trying to get to sleep the same night Neil’s father stopped by and yelled at him for being in the play. It was around two in the morning and they both had a science exam that day but that didn’t matter to Todd, who could only focus on the pathetic little sobs coming from the boy across the room. He wanted to get out of bed and go comfort him, but something was holding him back from doing so. He wasn’t sure if Neil reciprocated Todd’s feelings, and he sure as hell wasn’t one to just outright ask, so he lay there in bed torturing himself over what to do.

Pretending to sleep sounded like the easiest option, but when he rolled over and opened one eye and saw Neil’s body shaking underneath the blankets, he couldn’t pretend any longer. He got up and knelt down on the floor next to Neil’s bed and said his name once, softly.

The kiss that came afterwards was equally as soft, albeit a little wet from Neil’s tears, but it was quick and perfect and exactly what Todd had been waiting for.

**05.**

For the life of him, Todd had no idea what to say to Neil before the boy went backstage to get dressed for tonight’s performance of _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_. Everyone else had already paid their dues – “break a leg,” “you’ll be great,” “don’t screw this up” (Charlie’s, of course) – and even Mr. Keating had given him a little shoulder-shake and a smile of confidence. What was Todd left to do but smile and wish him luck?

Neil asked Todd if he remembered what he said about being on Broadway one day. Todd did, and Neil smiled and told him that after tonight, he was sure it would be a reality one day and that he expected Todd to get front row tickets when it happened. Todd promised, not just once but twice, that Neil would see him there.

When the other boy and Keating weren’t looking, Neil stole a quick kiss from Todd for good luck before turning on his heel and scurrying off to the stage door to get dressed for the play.

The Dead Poets found their seats. Several minutes later, the lights dimmed. The audience fell into a hush. The air stilled.

The curtain rose.


End file.
